HE was the maverick CEO who claimed the Ashley Madison dating website for affairs was SAVING marriages, not breaking them.
Charismatic Noel Biderman turned the controversial site into a multi-million pound empire with the tempting catchphrase “Life is short. Have an affair.”
He toured TV stations and chat shows around the globe – often accompanied by his loyal wife Amanda – claiming that while his company was helping people to be adulterous, he wouldn’t cheat on his wife because his job meant he knew how to make monogamy work.
But it was all lies. When a huge 2016 data leak exposed millions of Ashley Madison’s clients as cheats Noel Biderman was also outed.
The King of Infidelity had had a string of affairs with numerous women over the years – and was also a regular user of escort agencies, despite his boasts that he was happily married.
He quit his job as CEO, while his loyal childhood friend and Ashley Madison vice president of sales Evan Back said he was “completely disgraced” and “hit rock bottom”.
But after the controversy surrounding the company resurfaced following the hit Netflix documentary Ashley Madison: Sex Lies and Scandal, it appears Noel Biderman has bounced back – both personally and professionally.
His wife Amanda, mother of his two children, apparently stood by him through the whole debacle, and his spokesperson told Netflix that he remains a “committed husband and father”.
In 2023 his lawyer said: “Mr. Biderman was also the victim of a crime, like the customers of Ashley Madison whose public information was hacked and publicised.
“While Mr. Biderman understands the differences between himself and those customers, he — like many of them — have, in the intervening years, attempted to move on and repair the damage to his life and relationships.
“He feels fortunate that his wife, Amanda, has stood by him throughout.”
And work-wise he is now CEO of Avenue Insights, a Toronto-based software company that helps small to mid-size organisations improve data collection – ironic seeing as his Ashley Madison downfall was down to a data leak.
Shock statements
Wife Amanda must clearly be a very forgiving woman. Yesterday former Ashley Madison publicist Sarah Symonds told The Sun that Biderman had asked her to set up fake profiles on the site and even go out on dates with married men.
But that claim is just the tip of the iceberg compared to some of the shocking statements made by Noel himself during his Ashley Madison years.
Back in 2011 the company used a plus size model in one of its adverts with the headline: “Did your wife scare you last night?”, the suggestion being that if a woman was overweight it was a good reason to cheat on her.
The model protested at the “damaging” ad, saying: “I am mortified that my image and likeness would be used as advertisement for two things I am so vehemently against: namely cheating and, to an even greater extent, body shaming.
“This is a foul message to send women and to do so repeatedly shows a great lack of respect and overall sense of disdain towards women, especially those who do not fit this company’s ideal body image.”
Biderman hit back saying: “It was a statement about finding you are in a relationship with someone who is unrecognisable,” he said.
“I don’t think it’s a jab at fat people,” he added. “I always try to do advertising in real-life situations.
“For many people, a [spouse] is less attractive because they don’t pay attention to their body type. I may still love my partner, but they are not sexually interesting.”
‘Cheaters misunderstood’
When it came to promoting Ashley Madison, no claim was too outlandish or controversial for the publicity-hungry Biderman.
In 2009 he told Canada AM that cheating made people become better partners, saying: “I think people who have affairs are totally misunderstood and for the most part they’re people who are suffering.
“They’re really lonely within their own marriage and when you’re lonely there’s a biological driver that’s going to make you act out to change that.
“So they tend to have affairs, they have dalliances, and often it makes them better partners, better parents, better bosses, better employees. It’s hard for people to accept that, but it’s the truth.”
For many people, a [spouse] is less attractive because they don’t pay attention to their body type. I may still love my partner, but they are not sexually interesting
Noel Biderman
Ashley Madison sold itself on its complete discretion. Their site was a foolproof way for people to have a bit on the side without anyone finding out – until it turned out it wasn’t.
Biderman also claimed it removed the damage caused by cheating, saying on a UK visit: “I actually felt and still feel today that the United Kingdom is better off now that Ashley Madison exists.
“That single woman on Match.com has way less likely a chance of bumping into a married man now that I exist, the workplace has less and less office romances, those are all net wins for people in society. What I have done is removed, let’s say, the collateral damage.
“Before the internet existed, women had affairs in the work place or in their close knit circle: their best friend’s husband, their sister’s husband, so that came with potential secondary harm…your husband finds out, your marriage falls apart and oh by the way your sister is never talking to you again.”
Ashley Madison hacking scandal explained
Netflix smash ‘Ashley Madison: Sex, Lies & Scandal’ tells how hackers told the firm to take down its site or its user base would be leaked to the public.
When they didn’t back down, celebrities, politicians, and other high-profile figures were exposed as having accounts – sparking devastating consequences for thousands of relationships and leaving some members suicidal.
In 2015, at the centre of the hacking storm, The Sun reported claims by analysts that the site was not what it seemed.
Figures showed that 31 million men registered to the online hook-up service were men and just 5.5 million were women.
The Sun also revealed that 700,000 British men seeking a fling on the Ashley Madison affair site were chasing just 31 UK-based women.
But despite claiming to be a one-woman guy, Noel was the first to admit that he didn’t believe humans were built to be monogamous – and that is where Ashley Madison came in to help.
He said: “There’s no biologist who will say we’re engineered for monogamy. After six months into a relationship, sexual attraction begins to decline. After 22 years, it’s virtually non-existent.
“But we don’t have the courage to say, ‘I think monogamy is really holding us back, we could have a much better marriage if we allowed each other to have sex with other people’. We’re much more comfortable doing it behind our partner’s back.”
And he compared falling in love with two people to a parent’s love for their two children – society think one is acceptable but the other isn’t.
“I have two children—nobody would dare challenge me that I can love them both equally—but if I said to someone that I have two wives and I can love them both equally, they would question that ability,” he said.
“For romantic love, we don’t believe that we have the capacity to love more than one.”
There is no doubt that Biderman had a great sales pitch – one that certainly won over his wife Amanda in the early days of their relationship.
In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald back in 2015 she said he wasn’t a savvy dater or a smooth operator, saying: “Noel is simply an entrepreneur who identified an opportunity to understand the psychology around relationships and dig deeper [to] unearth the things people don’t want to discuss.”
And she said they were great communicators and she would be heartbroken if she discovered he had been unfaithful.
“We have such a great relationship, and are open about our needs, that it really would come as a big surprise,” she said.
Whereas Noel said if there ever was an affair they would both share the blame,
“The failing of our monogamy endeavour would be between the two of us,” he said.
“We obviously [wouldn’t have given] each other what we needed. That’s where all the responsibility would lie.”