THE news that TV’s golden couple, Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford, are separating sent shockwaves through the world of showbiz and beyond.
Fans were stunned and bewildered by last week’s announcement, onlookers full of disbelief.
The couple — who presented ITV’s This Morning together for 15 years — have always been considered one of the strongest working and married TV partnerships.
I think we all need to be forgiven for our collective disappointment that all that glitters isn’t always gold.
But what shouldn’t be forgiven is the narrative I’ve seen rearing its ugly head among some fellow outspoken newspaper columnists that Ruth should have, to use my own phrase, “put up and shut up”.
The word on Separation Street is that Eamonn was blindsided and baffled by the announcement, which suggests that this was Ruth’s decision.
This was a split supposedly engineered by her and the sympathy and pity is being directed towards him.
Add to that Eamonn’s recent health issues, which have rendered him unable to walk at times, and before you know it, Ruth is being painted as “Ruthless” for abandoning her husband in his darkest hour.
This is baffling to me. Let’s face it, Eamonn, 64, has become a leading member of the Grumpy Old Men’s club over the years and he’s a proper curmudgeon.
It could just be that all his moaning got on Ruth’s nerves. There she is, wanting to crack on with life, and she’s got an old misery on two walking sticks dragging her down.
I like Eamonn. A lot. I met him very early on in my career and he was always super-encouraging, supportive and kind.
It takes guts
He’s a pro and has a wicked sense of humour — and to top it all off, he’s a Manchester United fan — so what’s not to like?
But it feels like the knives are out for Ruth — and regardless of the truth behind their split, I’m here to defend and applaud her.
While some people might believe that she’s walking away without a care and washing her hands of her hubby, colleague and best friend after decades, the fact is that staying would have been the easier option.
Especially when certain people have their certain opinions about a woman walking away.
Uprooting yourself and those around you, upsetting the apple cart because your needs have changed, giving the status quo a good ruddy shake and altering yours and everyone else’s path is the tougher choice.
It takes guts and persistence.
Ruth is a damn fine-looking woman and she’s smart, empathetic and full of energy — any man would be lucky to have her.
I’m pretty sure that if the roles were reversed and it was the man walking away, people would be far more accepting of the belief he has every right to lead his very best life
Ulrika Jonsson
I’m sure Eamonn appreciated he was always punching above his weight with Ruth, and I don’t doubt he loved her very much.
More often than not, people stay in relationships well past their sell-by date — that have expired and properly gone off — because leaving is a lot of flaming work and causes never-ending amounts of upset.
And with upset comes judgment.
As women, we’re always seen as selfish for wanting to change direction or — God forbid — putting our own needs first for a change.
I’m pretty sure that if the roles were reversed and it was the man walking away, people would be far more accepting of the belief he has every right to lead his very best life.
The union of Ruth and Eamonn — which produced 22-year-old son Jack— was forged some 27 years ago, which is a flaming good innings by anyone’s standards.
It’s one thing being married — I speak as a serial offender — and quite another working together most days, too.
And these two really led by example. They might have disagreed on screen from time to time, but you could never imagine they ever went to bed on an argument.
From what I remember, Ruth, 64, waited patiently in the wings for years for Eamonn to divorce the mother of his three children.
She proved to be a loyal and dedicated colleague and partner and I think he has always been so lucky to have her.
Naturally, with such a high-profile split, the rumour mill goes into overdrive and speculation is rife — how, when and, mostly, why?
Despite their united front, stating it was an amicable separation and that the feeling was mutual, we are all desperate for the truth because we invested in this glorious couple and we really care.
And that’s why many are pointing the finger at Ruth. It’s always been different for women. We’re expected to be the carers and nurturers.
We are meant to be rocks and the very foundation of relationships.
We carry the emotional, practical and logistical burden.
We’re not meant to have needs and desires for ourselves because we should always be putting everyone else first. At least, that’s how it’s been for generations.
Everyone celebrates long-lasting, steady marriages that go on for decades and, I admit, they are admirable.
But we can’t know for sure how much happiness there is in them.
There’s a new cohort of women who are making different choices and are daring to put themselves and their own needs first. For once.
After years of rearing children and being personal assistants to husbands and the greater family, women are now starting to ask themselves what is making them happy.
Get blue rinse
And if staying where they are isn’t, they put their big girl’s pants on and leave.
I don’t know if that’s Ruth’s story, but it was definitely mine.
I had no idea as I turned the corner on 50 that I would be putting a right royal spanner in the works of my own family and bringing my 11-year marriage to an end. I presumed I was settled for life.
I had no desire to upset my children by bringing divorce to their door.
The last thing I wanted to do was to cause a rift and break their hearts.
Then along came the menopause with all its glorious side-effects and ailments, and I changed.
After a lifetime of constantly looking after others, caring for children, ignoring my own needs, always putting others first, losing myself in domesticity and family life, I woke up and knew that I still had a life to lead and was entitled to choice and to putting myself first. For once.
It makes people deeply uncomfortable when a woman ends a marriage or relationship — especially when there are children involved
Ulrika Jonsson
Instead of going quietly into old age, women are now realising in the autumn of their lives that they, too, are entitled to happiness.
We don’t have to stay. We don’t have to live the final chapters of our lives in servitude to others. We, too, are worthy.
It’s a brave step to end a union of love and work, like that of Ruth and Eamonn.
It takes huge courage because women who rock the boat or do the unexpected or break away are always seen as difficult and troublemakers.
We’re seen as selfish in a world which expects women to always be selfless.
It makes people deeply uncomfortable when a woman ends a marriage or relationship — especially when there are children involved.
She’s seen as abandoning her duties, walking away and being egotistical when, in fact, she’s taking the first steps in caring for herself.
The reality, of course, is that, as women, we rarely — if ever — abandon ship or our duties.
We go on being the foundations of family life and carrying the mental and emotional load, but now we just try to squeeze in a tiny shard of personal hope and desires in among all the scrappy logistics and support.
Maybe Ruth doesn’t want to attach herself to anyone — she may just want to sail solo for a while
Ulrika Jonsson
I wish Eamonn all the best — I really do. And I’m hugely excited for Ruth and whatever this next chapter of her life brings.
It’s all too easy to write off us post-menopausal women in our 50s and 60s.
Historically, it’s always been the case. We’re expected to get the blue rinse in our hair, don our anoraks and comfortable shoes and not make a fuss.
But many of us are rebelling and refusing to “settle”.
Or maybe Ruth doesn’t want to attach herself to anyone — she may just want to sail solo for a while.
Whatever she chooses to do as she moves on, she has the world at her feet — because, in truth, 60 is the new 30 and she deserves to enjoy her new lease of life.
